


Leading the Pack

by astudyinfic



Series: You Are Not Your Own [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Caring Luke, Sad Magnus, Spoilers for 2x12, things are getting better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-06-14
Packaged: 2018-11-13 23:41:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11195910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astudyinfic/pseuds/astudyinfic
Summary: After his torture at the hands of the Clave while in Valentine's body, Magnus secluded himself away, reflecting on how few people he truly had in his life.  But he forgot one, the one person who might actually understand what he was going through.





	Leading the Pack

A week passed.  With her new charge Madzie, Catarina was unable to come spend time with him.  There were phone calls, texts - day and night - checking on him, offering assistance in whatever way he needed, but Magnus couldn’t bring himself to ask.  He refused to put Madzie through any more trauma, hoping that maybe he would be able to spare her some of the memories that haunted his waking hours now.  Valentine had broken too many warlocks and now that Madzie was finally making a recovery, Magnus hoped it would be a turning point for them all. 

Still, it meant the woman who he loved more than any other, the one like a sister to him, couldn’t come be with him in his time of need.  She needed to be with a young warlock who suffered because of the Shadowhunters and the Clave’s inability to believe there was a problem until it was too late.

Magnus thought with longing about Ragnor, how his friend would have spoken to him about the situation.  Ragnor would have known exactly what to do.  Magnus wouldn’t have listened to him but it was always comforting to know someone around you had any sort of sense.  If Ragnor was still alive, he would have pulled Magnus from the bed where he’d cocooned himself (a guest room he created the night after Alec left, he couldn’t sleep in the master bedroom knowing Valentine might have slept there too).  Ragnor wouldn’t have let him wallow, he would have shown Magnus all the good he still had to do and would have given him the

But Ragnor was gone.  Taken from him far too soon because he was helping the Shadowhunters. 

He thought Raphael might stop by, at least check on him and see if he needed anything.  Magnus never failed to do it for him but Raphael didn’t come.  He thought about the meeting with Meliorn, about the confrontation with Alec and Isabelle, and then Alec once more.  Raphael, addicted once more to nephilim blood and doing things he knew Magnus wouldn’t approve of because of it.

No, Raphael wasn’t coming.  He’d be too ashamed or too far gone in his own drama to even notice the man who basically raised him was in pain.

And that was it.  Magnus let Dorothea come by but he kicked her out almost immediately when he realized what she had done for Valentine, albeit unknowingly.  It wasn’t fair, he knew it wasn’t, but he felt victimized by people he trusted as much as he was victimized by Valentine and Azazel, regardless of how true it was.  Even his magic felt tainted because of it.  He couldn’t stand to look at them, knowing they played a role in all of it. 

Magnus never realized how truly alone he was.  Five people in the world cared about him.  Maybe more but he was sure Alec had warned the rest of them off from coming to visit.  Or maybe they didn’t actually care.  He noticed none of them exactly believed him either.

During the week, Magnus never left the house.  He hardly left the safe room he created for himself, though after about five days, he felt comfortable enough to sit in the living room without panicking.  He didn’t answer calls.  He didn’t answer texts.  He listened to every message from Cat, and everything she sent him but he couldn’t talk about it.  Not to her.  He couldn’t burden her with this.

After eight days, someone knocked on his door.  A friend, if his wards let them that close.  He stood, puzzled, trying to figure out who would disturb his desire for privacy.  About to strengthen the wards and send whoever it was back onto the street, a deep voice sounded through the door.  “NYPD.  Open up.”

Eyes wide, Magnus threw open the door without thought, staring wildly at the man on the other side.  “Magnus,” Luke nodded.  “We need to talk.”

Too stunned to do anything else, Magnus nodded and stepped aside, dropping the wards to let Luke in before locking them once more. 

Luke took a seat and gestured for Magnus to do the same.  “I understand you don’t want to talk and I’m not expecting you too but I want you to listen, okay?”  Magnus nodded, gesturing for him to continue.

“You know my history but I’m going to tell you again.  Valentine and I were parabatai, closer than even Jace and Alec.”  Magnus tensed at the names but took a deep breath, calming the panic that rose in his chest.  “I trusted him and loved him and I followed him until the very end.  We were on a mission.  A rogue werewolf pack was moving in on Idris.  We were the best Shadowhunters of our generation, we could easily handle a small pack on our own so I thought nothing of the fact that we went alone.  I had Val’s back and he had mine.  Or so I thought.

“He locked me in the barn with the pack.  I’d never thought I would see such disgust directed at me from someone whom I loved.  He stood there while the wolves attacked, while they dug their teeth into my skin and I cried out for him to help me.  As I lay there bleeding, crying, and broken, he turned his back and walked away from me.

“Of course, I didn’t die.  I survived, changed, shifted.  I stayed in that barn for months, wallowing in the horror someone I loved had inflicted upon me.  I wanted to die, just to stop the pain for a few moments.  But I didn’t die, because I wasn’t supposed to.  There was still a future for me.  Yes, I’d been through trauma.  Yes, I thought I would never love again.  But I learned who I was.  I’m stronger than Val.  I’m stronger than the pain.  I’m strong because of what I went through. 

“I used that.  I fought my way back to Jocelyn.”  He paused and Magnus reached out to take his hand, knowing how much pain he must still be feeling.  It was only when he looked at their hands connected that he realized this was the first contact he’d had with anyone since Valentine was recaptured. 

“There’s a mundane saying.  _You can throw me to the wolves and I will return leading the pack_.  I’m not sure they realize how literal it can be.  You are strong, Magnus.  I’ve heard rumors about you and I’ve seen you fight first hand.  Take the time you need.  The Angel knows it took me months.  But remember you have friends, even if it doesn’t seem like it.  You have someone out there who loves you and would tear himself apart to help.  Take care of yourself but remember you don’t have to do it alone, okay?”

Luke sat back, seeming to have said his peace.  Magnus considered everything.  In the end, he knew it wasn’t Alec’s fault.  After everything Valentine had put them all through, Magnus wasn’t sure he would have trusted himself either.  Which isn’t to say Alec was innocent.  He could have done more but Magnus couldn’t put all the blame on him.

Or on Dorothea.

Or on the Clave.

Or even on Valentine.

No, there was one person truly responsible here.  And while Alec may have slowed him down, Magnus knew he wasn’t done yet.

“Thank you, Luke.  You don’t know how much I needed to hear that.”

“Anytime, Magnus.  You do so much for me and for the pack and for Clary, it was about time I was able to return the favor, even a small amount.”

They said their goodbyes and Magnus closed the door, feeling more like himself than he had in a week. 

Grabbing his phone, he sent a quick message. 

_[text – Alexander] I’m ready to talk now._

_[text – Alexander] And then I am going to need your help._

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, this is going to be a three-part series. I'll try and get the last one written tomorrow.


End file.
